Marriage counseling is one of the most important steps that a couple can take to ensure that they get into a marriage fully prepared for the long haul. A good marriage counselor will walk the couple through the highs and lows of married life, and ask the couple some crucial questions that need to be answered before the couple gets married.
The reason the couple needs to answer these questions before getting married is because both partners need to know what their partner expects from them once married. Having well defined roles is important so that there are no wrong ideas as to who does what and what is expected of whom. Here are eight questions that need to be asked and answered during a pre-marital counseling session for couples.
What Does Marriage Mean To You?
It is important to know why your partner is entering marriage and what he expects from it. He needs to know what your interpretation of the word ‘marriage’ is, why you want to get married and what you expect to give and get from the relationship. Very often, we take it for granted that our partner wants to get married to us for the same reason that we want to get married to them. It is only much later that we find out that that was not the case, leaving us disillusioned and disappointed.
What About Children?
How many children would you both like to have? Does he want an entire brood? Do you want to stop after one? If one of you insists that you stop trying to have children while the other still wants some more, discontentment can set in. How long after marriage would you like to start trying for a child?
Sometimes one partner may presume that kids will be a distant project that needs to to be worked on, while the other partner may be looking forward to becoming a parent as soon as possible. Discipline is another issue that needs to be dealt with and is based on both partners’ childhood experiences. This is a touchy issue that needs to be dealt with.
How Will Our Sex Life Be?
If you have been indulging in intimacy with your partner before marriage, be sure that things are going to change after marriage. Very soon, the newness of it is going to wear away, and you are going to realize that now you are stuck with this one person with whom you have to sleep with for the rest of your life.
Talk about ways you can spice up your sex life before you start seeing problems here. Would your partner be willing to try new things in bed such as sex toys and fantasies? Would you be expected to try something? Does your partner have any fetishes that you are unaware of and that may leave you shocked in the future?
Who Does The Household Chores?
Does he expect you to stay home and do all the household chores? Do you expect him to help out with the chores while you continue working? Do you both intend to help out? Are you happy doing all the work yourself? Do you want to hire a maid? Household chores need to be done everyday. If you do not get what you bargained for and are disappointed about the way he shirks his duties and does not help with the chores, this is going to be working on your mind every single day, whenever you do your chores, leaving you bitter and angry.
Who Pays The Bills?
Will you be sharing bills? Will he be expected to clear all the bills? Will you expect him to clear the bills even though you are working because he makes much more than you do? Money is one of the biggest causes for concern in a marriage. Many people hate the idea of shelling out money, even if it is for bills that need to be paid. Also, being completely financially dependent on your partner can leave you feeling disappointed and with a low self esteem.
What Are Your Personal Life Goals?
We all have our own personal life goals. These goals are secrets that we often hold within us. But sharing it with your partner whom you are going to be spending the rest of your life with, is important.
It is important because you can draw strength and encouragement from him and in return, help him with his personal life goals as well. This will help you grow stronger as a couple and make you fall in love deeper with each other. There is mutual respect and trust – two traits that are very vital in a relationship.
How Do You Feel About Religion?
Marriage very often changes one’s views about religion. Perhaps not going to church before marriage was your thing, but you may want to change that after marriage. You would probably expect your partner to go to church with you as well. If yours is an inter caste marriage, which religion would you be following after marriage? What faith would the children grow up in? Religion poses all these questions and is a cause for a lot of anger and disagreements after marriage.
Do You Have Any Debts?
It is important to let your partner know about your financial situation before you get married. It is also important that your partner tell you about his financial situation. Getting married only to find out that he is in severe debt and that he married you only in the hopes that you would rescue him from his financial misery, is horrifying. If you know where you both stand financially, it will help you both plan wisely for the future.
When answering these questions, it is important that you are truthful. This is your one chance, before getting married, to let your partner know about your true expectations, no matter what they are. This is also a great chance to find out what your partner requires of you. If there are disagreements along the way, now is a great time to sort them out.