Relationships do not always end in irrevocably bitter circumstances. Sometimes, people break up amicably with each other, on account of various practical reasons.
A person may fall in love with another person even while dating someone else, and if he/she chooses to confess and end the existing relationship rather than cheat on them, it can end in a friendly manner without any complications or hurt. Likewise, sometimes when the distance barrier becomes overriding, people decide to call off their relationships and move on. Again, sometimes people simply tire of each other and fall out of love.
All the above describe situations where a break up happens agreeably without causing distress to any of the persons. Since relationships demand a whole lot of investment in terms of time, energy and feelings, the two persons involved usually share an extremely close, valuable and special bond. It is not easy to let go of an attachment to which you have dedicated so much of yourself.
As a consequence, many people try to remain good friends even after having broken up. Even though the romance has worn out and cannot be retained, the friendship definitely can! Here are five quick tips to help you remain friends after break-up with your ex, because it is definitely no easy task –
Tips To Remain Friends After Break Up
Keep In Touch
First, foremost and most importantly, keep in touch with each other. Do not attempt to break off all contact. Naturally, you would have to reduce the extent to which you communicate in order to allow each other to move on. Talking and texting the entire day is a strict no-no. However, that does not mean you cut off from each other completely. Occasional and casual contact, as between friends is necessary to retain the attachment between the two.
Do not take immature steps like deleting each other’s contact numbers, blocking each other on social networking sites, deleting each other’s photographs, texts etc. Learn to be glad that was good while it lasted and move on.
Do not try to eliminate evidence of the existence of a past relationship from your life and mind, because with that you erase many good memories and weaken the foundations of your friendship with your ex.
Do Not Bring Up The Past
Do not bring up the past while talking to each other. While to a certain extent, it is inevitable and natural to talk about common experiences, it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Recalling the past may bring pleasant or unpleasant memories back to your minds. Pleasant memories stir a sense of nostalgia and a feeling of loss for a romance that might have worked, which serves not purpose and hinders the important activity of moving on. The unpleasant memories open all the old wounds and they may lead to disintegration of the friendship that is left, as well.
Naturally you would think about the past when you are alone, because retrospection is a very human tendency. However, there is no point in discussing these things with your ex-partner. Hence, it is best to avoid talking about the relationship that you shared and live completely in the present.
Do Not Treat Each Other As A Back-Up Options
Often, people subtlely try to remain friends after break ups in the hope that if they are unable to find a new date or if things do not work out with a new partner, they can come back to their ex.
However, such an attitude cannot last for long because your ex is most probably going to see through it. And if they do, naturally there can be no hope to continue with any sort of friendship whatsoever.
Hence, respect your ex and do not treat them as your back up. Not only is that morally substandard, but it can also permanently damage the pleasant remnants of the relationship, too.
Do Not Interfere In Each Other’s Love Life
Once you have broken up and moved on from a relationship, do not try to keep a tab on the romantic indulgences of your partner. Furthermore, do not try to suggest things to them or give them advice on such personal issues, even as a friend.
While it is natural to feel a sense of heartache or insecurity when you see your ex moving on to another person, especially if you are still chafing under singledom, it is best to conceal such feelings. Romance and everything related becomes a strict no-go zone once your relationship with a person has worn out and should not be invaded at any cost.
If you do try to interfere in your ex-partner’s love life, they are bound to dislike it and feel uncomfortable and put-off. And such feelings are naturally going to impact your friendship with them in a negative manner.
Hence, it is best to avoid infringing on the romantic privacy of your ex if you wish to remain friends post break-up.
Sometimes, after having broken up, the two people start feeling awkward, self conscious and tongue tied with each other. To a certain period of time, this is natural and inevitable, as it takes time to push a person who once dominated your life into the backseat even while keeping in touch with them.
However, the harm is done when people never fall into the level of ease and comfort required for a friendship. They continue to feel embarrassed with each other and consistently think of the past. They become trapped in an extremely unpleasant situation – they are not free of their ex and hence cannot move on, and at the same time, they cannot revive romance with their ex either. They become stuck in time and suffer from an unending dilemma. Ultimately, they have to distance themselves from their ex in order to get on in life.
Such perpetual awkwardness must be avoided at all costs. For the first, sit with your ex and clearly talk out issues. Discuss how frequently you will talk, text or meet, what topics you would avoid, what things must not be shared with anyone else, etc. Secondly, stick to the pseudo-rules decided in the first step and the flame of friendship shall not be subdued!