Everything was going perfect, until, out of the blue, he broke up with you. Of course, you were bewildered. Of course, you couldn’t believe it. Of course, you cried, begged, yelled, and did all those things that are common to those who are suffering intense heartache.
A breakup is a very hurtful thing, as you no doubt know. It is, in fact, often referred to as a “mini death” due to the amount of pain that it causes a person. There are tales of old, where people could never get over a breakup, and pined away from the man they loved.
It is possible, however, to recover from a breakup. It takes courage and effort to be able to stand on your own again and tell the world that you are a winner. However, there are some cases in which you might consider getting your ex-boyfriend back, and might wonder how to go about doing so.
Reasons To Get Your Ex Back
First, know yourself well. Of course, you love your ex-boyfriend, and that is why you want to be back with him. However, you need to consider whether the only reason you want him back is because you want what you don’t have, or is it because you truly love him.
If the reason you want him back is because you have become accustomed to him or because you just feel humiliated that he left you, then don’t even make the attempt to get him back, because it is not going to last. On the other hand, if you truly love him, then the following points will assist you to help mend things between the two of you.
To begin with, do not blame him. You might be tempted to rant and rave at him, but there is no surer way to drive him away. Remember that, in almost every breakup, there are three sides to every story – your side, his side, and what really happened between the two of you.
Chances are very low that you will really find out what went wrong while you are busy yelling at him or begging him. You need to get back to a stage where you can both talk things out amicably, and only then will you come to know what went wrong.
Next, consider taking a break for a while. Your ex-boyfriend would not want to even consider getting back with you if you are going to be hanging around all the time, and waiting for his call. He fell in love with you for the person you were. Try to take some time out and see if, as time went by, you changed and became less of the person he fell in love with.
Quite often men fall for confident women. Women, on the other hand, tend to become dependent on their boyfriends and lose that initial independence. This makes some men get bored as time goes by. Therefore, work on becoming the same person you were. Get a makeover, start working out, and get a hobby. Do this for yourself.
When your ex-boyfriend sees that you are moving on with your life, he will be more inclined to get attracted to you again. If, on introspection, you find that you have been too clingy or pushy with your ex-boyfriend, then now is the time to change this. While men love to be protective of their women, they do not like the clingy kind, nor do they appreciate women who are pushy.
Many people might tell you to cut off all contact with your ex-boyfriend. However, this does not always work out positively if you are trying to get back together. What would work is a period of no contact, probably for two weeks, followed by low contact.
This means that you will need to stop calling your ex-boyfriend every day, and you should avoid sending him texts, e-mails, IMs or whatever else you were sending him before you broke up. An occasional line or two in response to him will suffice. Give him some space.
Things To Avoid After Breakup
Let him feel you missing in his life, and only then he will begin to miss you as the initial anger or frustration or irritation that caused the breakup subsides. Avoid getting in touch with all his friends and avoid spreading negative stories about him or the breakup. He will never even consider getting back with you if you do so, and he will only be too pleased to have escaped from a relationship with you.
If your relationship was one that spanned over a number of years, then you can be sure that it is not all that easy for your boyfriend to forget you. If you have really built a relationship together, then he is sure to feel the impact of the breakup as well. This is when he considers coming back to you and begins to put out feelers, as it were.
This is a very critical point in either making up or breaking up. Many women make the mistake of choosing this moment to play the blame game with their ex-boyfriend and describing in morbid detail all the pain and suffering that they went through. Well, women who do that will find that their men will run in the opposite direction.
So, while you might be tempted to describe what you went through and beg your man never to do the same thing to you again, avoid this. He too had suffered with the breakup and he too missed you. That is why he wants you back. Besides, a man’s ego can often camouflage his heart and if you make him feel too guilty at the beginning, he is sure to back off again at the first chance he gets.
When your ex-boyfriend tells you that he would like to give your relationship another chance, do not expect things to go back to the way they were. Think of both of you getting back together, not as a continued relationship, but as a new relationship. Improve your communication, spend quality time together and do things together.
Quite often, relationship breakdown is due to lack of communication. If you are giving your man another chance, remember too that he is also giving you another chance. Therefore, do not assume the mien of a woman who is being charitable to some poor soul on whom she has pity, although you might be tempted to do so. Also, do not throw his past breakup with you in his face each time you are upset with him. The purpose of getting your boyfriend back is, after all, to resolve past issues and for you to stay with him all your lives.
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