Relationship problems are not uncommon. We can pretend that they don’t exist. But at some point in most relationships, disagreements creep in. After the initial euphoria and infatuation has died down, deeper issues surface. You may then suddenly detect so many things about your partner that you don’t like and ask, “Is this the same person I fell in love with?” If your relationship is passing through troubled waters, here are 5 things you can do to help it get better.
5 Tips to Help a Relationship
Are you communicating clearly with your partner in a non-accusing way?
One of the biggest relationship-breakers in the world is: “hidden resentment.” You expect him to talk to you when he’s home from work. But he doesn’t know that. He loves you but since he doesn’t know what you’re thinking he happily settles in front of the TV while you keep expecting him to take more interest in your day and listen to you.
Go ahead and communicate your needs! Tell him that you want to talk about something. Then, tell him that you feel appreciated and nice when he spends time with you after work. If there are a lot of things “you wish he did”, then go ahead and talk about all these things with him. Don’t only give hints and avoid the real topic. Tell him honestly what you would love.
Another important thing you need to keep in mind is to not blame him or talk to him in an angry manner but to tell him things in a non-accusing, polite way. This is very difficult to do – but it helps him understand you better. For example, if you would want that he help more with the housework, instead of saying something like, “You never help with the housework!”, say something like, “I want to talk to you about something when you are free.” Then, when you people talk, tell him how you would feel better if he contributed more with the housework. Don’t blame him, but tell him how a change in him would make you feel.
The happiest relationships in the world have excellent communication systems. Disagreements are bound to be there since men are women are anyway wired to think differently. But make sure you communicate clearly, and politely in a non-accusing way.
Realize That Both Perspectives May Be Right – Listen
One sentence that has destroyed relationships the world over is: “I am right.” In every argument, you try to tell him why he’s wrong and you’re right and he does the same. That leads you nowhere. A very important fact to remember is that both perspectives can actually be right. Please try to get this clear in your mind: you may be right and he may be right at the same time!
The next time you have a heated discussion with your partner, just stop. Stop defending your point, stop saying he’s wrong, just pause. Now, let him talk. Listen to him. For some time, assume that your point of view does not exist. Seriously try to ponder over what he is saying. Maybe, what he is saying is indeed true for him? After all, why else is he saying it so emphatically? When you try to genuinely listen to your partner, he will slowly feel understood. And you may be startled by this – but after some time, he’ll actually ask you what you feel about the issue and he’ll try listening to you as well.
In every argument, the general tendency is to prove yourself to be right. Change this pattern in your next argument. It will be difficult, but try to ask yourself: what if he is right? Then try listening to his points with all your heart without thinking of your points for a while. Once he is done, you will see your own points in a different perspective. And he will be more ready to listen to them too.
Stop Expecting the Other Person to Make You Happy
I know this point sounds a bit weird. Who else will you expect your happiness from if not your partner?
However, the truth is that when we become too dependent on our partner to make us happy, we put a lot of pressure on him. And this makes it very difficult for him to do things that make us happy. In the happiest relationships, each partner over-delivers on expectations. And that happens because the expectations are low to begin with. Ask yourself – when would you like to do something special for your partner, when he pressurizes you to do something every day or when he leaves you free to be just the way you are?
Release your partner and reduce expectations. Start creating more of your happiness yourself through activities you enjoy and through interacting with more friends. As you let your partner be, you will see that he will automatically start giving more and more to the relationship.
Focus More On Giving Than Getting
Do you think a lot about how your partner should make you feel pampered or loved?
That is definitely not wrong, but a better way to build a happier relationship is to keep your focus on “How can I make his life better?” Your needs are definitely important but make sure you don’t get too stuck on them. Instead think of ways to surprise your partner, forgive him, cook something special for him…That will make you feel happier too.
As your partner feels more loved and appreciated, his attitude will change too. The “giving” attitude is addictive, and before long you may find him thinking of you more often than before. People in the most satisfying relationships focus on how they can help the other person rather than only thinking about what they want.
Be Open to Letting Go
You may have done everything right in your relationship but if it is still not working, do realize that there may indeed be serious incompatibilities. When you fell in love, you might not have known your partner’s beliefs, values and habits. If nothing at all seems to work, try to figure out whether you both may truly be incompatible.
There is nothing wrong with either you or your partner if you both are incompatible. You may want a child and he may not want one. You may love staying at home and he may love travelling. Think about how your incompatibility is affecting your relationship.
Talk to your partner about your differences in a non-accusing way. Parting need not necessarily be a painful process if done in the right way. You can part as friends too. Neither he, nor you may have been wrong, you might just have been the wrong fit. That’s OK. So well, those were some tips that can help your relationship. Yes, relationships can be very difficult to deal with at times, but then do remember that you are greater than these difficulties. You can get over them.
Wherever you are and at no matter what stage your relationship currently is, I wish that it gets better.