There is no end to the count of women who have, at some point of time, been used by a man for selfish reasons. These reasons could range from financial gain to intimacy, and usually leave a woman shattered and with a low self esteem.
If you are wondering as to whether a guy is using you, then you obviously are going through a rough patch in your relationship. Finding out whether you really mean something to a man more than an object of gratification is essential for your self esteem as well as your emotional well being.
Finding out the truth is also vital in order to ensure that you get out of an unhealthy relationship without harming yourself further. If you are worried as to whether your guy is using you, consider the following signs. Just as every disease has its symptoms, a user too has his symptoms.
Sign 1: He Does Not Make An Effort To Get To Know You
He might talk his head off about himself, his goals, his family or his problems. However, when you try to express things to him, he abruptly ends the call or seems disinterested. While you seem to know a lot about him, when you look back, you realize that he knows little or nothing about you.
A man who really loves you will want to know you better and draw closer to you as a person. All that matters to a user is the fact that he wants to be alone with you, and once he gets what he wants, you don’t matter to him anymore.
Sign 2: He Does Not Make You Feel Special
You might be drawn to him. However, he makes little or no effort at all to make you feel special. You rarely, if ever, get chocolates, gifts, flowers, or any of those little things that you could cherish for a lifetime. He “forgets” things that mean a lot to you, unless it is related to the sack.
Sign 3: He Is Not Interested In You As A Person
Your goals, thoughts and problems do not matter to him. When you discuss these, he just shuts down emotionally. Many of your conversations might need to be initiated by you. Apart from that, he rarely takes the initiative to do things for you. When you do talk about things that concern you, he steers the conversation away from you and back to him and his needs.
Sign 4: He Is Affectionate As Long As He Gets What He Wants
A user is usually interested in getting only what he wants. Therefore, if he is using you for sex, you will find that he is affectionate only in bed. Once he is done with you, he finds some excuse to disappear and go somewhere else.
You usually will not encounter him again until the next time that he wants sex. Or, if your man is using you for financial gain, he will be affectionate and loving until he gets what he wants. Once this is achieved, he becomes withdrawn, sullen, and things about you do not matter to him anymore.
Sign 5: He Does Not Take The Initiative To Communicate
You might be the one doing all the text messaging, calling or e-mailing. Your man, on the other hand, just seems to wait for you to take the initiative. When you do try to contact him, he usually is “busy” or “in the middle of something”, and he is often short with you for “disturbing” him.
Or, he will not respond to your calls, messages or e-mails unless he needs you for something. When he does respond, he will usually have an excellent reason for not being able to respond to you, and will end up making you feel guilty for misunderstanding him.
Sign 6: He Does Not Want To Tell His Friends About You
It is true that many men hesitate to let their close friends know about a woman they like until they are sure that she is “the one”. However, if months or years have gone by and your man still wants to keep your relationship a secret, then all is definitely not well in your relationship.
You are rarely, if ever, seen together. And when you do go out together, you are made to feel guilty about being out with him. He treats you as nothing more than a friend in public. In private, though, he would try to assure you that you mean the world to him. Of course, that level of devotion goes down once he gets what he wants. A man who truly loves you will be proud to tell the world that you belong to him, and will by no means want to keep your relationship under wraps.
Sign 7: The Entire Relationship Is Just About Him
All that he expects from you is for you to meet his needs. Your man, on the other hand, is not interested in meeting your needs and does not even seem to care about them. As time passes, you feel trapped and unfulfilled in the relationship, and find yourself justifying his actions just because you do not want to lose him.
You no longer feel special, respected or cherished, and you often feel like you are not valued at all. In fact, the only time your man values you is when you do something for him. Your achievements, goals and dreams mean absolutely nothing to him, and he refrains from commenting on them or on commending you for the good that you do.
If you feel that your man is using you, take time out to analyse as to whether there is a firm basis for this belief, based on the above signs. Wait until you are calm and then approach him rationally, and try to understand whether he is using you blatantly or is, without his knowledge, taking you for granted. Once you find this out, you can take steps to either end an unhealthy relationship, or, work with your man to fix things between both of you.