It is a widely held belief that breaking off a relationship and firing an employee are the most difficult and embarrassing tasks people may be forced to perform in their lifetime. The former is generally not difficult if it is happening under situations when the relationship had completely deteriorated and the partners are on absolutely poor terms with each other.
However, when things have not taken such an ugly turn and yet, due to emotional incompatibilities, you do wish to break up – that is the toughest task of them all! In such cases, executing a break up poses a lot of emotional burdens on the person. Even though you wish to quit the relationship, after having been with your partner for a considerable period of time, you are bound to feel sense of attachment to them, which will make you feel guilty and responsible for hurting their feelings. It may act heavily upon your conscience.
The key to avoiding such guilt trips when you break up, is in being completely sure of your stand and its rightness. Here are a few guidelines to help you break up without causing much heartbreak to yourself and to the other person involved –
Guidelines to Help You With a Break Up Without Causing Much Heartbreak
Select The Right Method
The most crucial factor that you need to keep in mind is the mediumvia which you convey the harsh message of your break up. A lot of precaution and consideration must be exercised in this respect. The options are available in abundance – you could try a phone call, write a note, send an inbox message over a social network or a text, or you could meet them personally for the last time.
The first thing to keep in mind is that if you are going to come up with the decision out of the blue – it had better be a direct, face-to-face break up. If you try to use a friend as a mediator and get such emotional messages delievered indirectly via them, it is bound to hurt your partner and cause them a immense agony and anxiety. Hence, always arrange for a last date when you wish to break up, except in circumstances where the situation is so unpleasant that you are not even on talking terms with your partner.
Also, remember that the worst possible way to break up would be to simply ignore the other person and hence hope they get the hint. Being suggestive and subtle in this case is a terrible idea and is bound to invite hatred and hostility from your ex-partner, as well as cause them anxiousness and uncertainity.
Choose the way in which you shall break up with care because it has a deep consequence on the emotions of both the parties in question.
Explain Your Stand
Do not quit simply and carelessly, without giving adequate and reasonable explanations for your decision. Such irrationalilty often results in partners turning into addicted stalkers and often invites danger. Hence, do not be vague or non commital in such situations. Being direct, open and honest about your reasons is the best policy you can adopt.
Do not allow the person to lurk in anxiousness and cluelessness, hoping for your stand to change, not only because of the afore mentioned reason, but also because of the moral incorrectness of such an attitude.
Explain your stand with clarity. Answer any doubts your partner may have. Be ready to face a barrage of questions with equanimity. Be prepared for shocked and negative reactions, sometimes even a bit of swearing and accusations. Do not let such behaviour break your façade of calmness. Your ex-partner has a right to know what put you off the relationship, so do not deprive them of it and make them understand the situation in the best and the politest manner that you can.
Be Committed to Your Decision
Breaking up with a person is certainly a huge decision. Such life changing decisions should definitely not be taken in a hurry. Give yourself time, think over the situation, analyse the pros and cons while at the same time acknowledging the voice of your inner most instincts – and then take your decision, once you are fully convinced of it.
Do not be whimsical in this regard. Do not act immediately upon a fight or a misunderstanding. Do not give in to your impulses. Take this decision only at a time when you are completely calm and ready to accept the truth to yourself.
It is crucially necessary to be sure of yourself when you break off with your partner, because most probably they shall be ready with apologies and explanations and emotional blackmails. However, if you are convinced and committed to your decision, such behavious shall not weaken you or your stand and will not let you falter.
It may or may not be a bad break up, and it may or may not have been preceded by an unpleasant situation – whatever the circumstances may have been, try your best to not let the last meeting become hateful, inconsiderate or full of accusations.
For the sake of all the memories and the good times that you have spent with the other person, and in order to avoid any emotionally draining scenes the last time – be as polite and courteous as you can. Your partner may or may not react as maturely, but in order to save at least yourself the emotional disturbance, you must retain your manners till the very end.
Do Not Play the Blame Game
If you are convinced you want to break up, it implicitly means that you are convinced that the relationship cannot possibly work now, whatever changes you or your partner may affect. Since you have already resigned to the situation, there is absolutely no point in firing accusations at each other.
Let the past recede into the past for a while on your break up date. Let sleeping dogs lie and do not bring up issues that bothered you in the past in an unfavorable fashion. Just admit to your decision and let things take their own course, without getting trapped in the blame game.
Be confident of your decision before you take the plunge and add on to this the above tips, and your break up shall certainly happen smoothly, with the least possible emotional disturbance to any of the parties.