You might have broken up with your partner in a fit of anger but are now regretting it. What should you do? Should you make the first move and get back into the relationship? Or should you fight the urge to get back in the first place? How do you decide whether to get back or do nothing?
In such a situation, the most important thing to keep in mind is to find out your true feelings. Note that what you are feeling right now may not be true for you deep down. It is natural to want to get back after a break up. Even if you were in a relationship with a very abusive person, you may still want to go back to him a few days after the break up. This is just how human emotions are – they sway you in different directions at different times. That is why it is very important to neglect surface emotions and consciously choose what you truly want.
Wait For a Few Days
To figure out, whether you truly want to go back to your ex-partner or stay as you are, first calm yourself down. Don’t decide anything right away. Distract yourself for a while by spending a day out with friends or watching your favorite movie.
This will let the intensity of your emotions die down and bring more awareness in. For a day or two after the intense urge to get back with your ex-boyfriend, let the urge be and focus on other things.
Journal and Write Down Your Thoughts
After two days have passed, now ask yourself if you still feel the urge to get back. If you still do, then take out an hour or two when you can be alone. Take a sheet of paper and write down your true feelings about your relationship. Do not let this be an emotional outburst, instead, try to calmly write down both the problems you faced and the things you miss.
Be reasonable and ask yourself how you would deal with the problems that caused you to break up, if you get back again. Do realize that distance makes the heart grow fonder but it also makes you forget the negative points of the other person.
Differentiate Between True Feelings and Surface Feelings
Remember that you had made a conscious decision to break up and therefore, you now need to have a really strong answer to go back again. If you still feel you need to go back, ask yourself in detail how you will deal with the negative points of your partner now. After a few days of pleasantness, when the same old problems crop up again, what will you do? Do not quit this writing session with yourself until you have answers to this question.
Here are some more points you can think about:
1. If you get back, what will you now do that you have never done in the past to prevent conflict?
2. Are you now ready to accept both the positive and negative traits in your partner?
3. If you compromise now, will you regret it later?
Note that whatever your decision is, let it be carefully thought out so that you don’t change it yet again. That will only cause more pain later.
Writing out these thoughts is important because when we think without writing, we tend to get confused and our emotions tend to take over. Writing helps you become more aware of your thoughts and keeps emotions at bay for a while.
Make a Conscious Decision
After your writing and journaling session is over, make a conscious decision. Whatever you decide, make sure you will stand by this decision in the near future. If you plan to go back – write down in detail how you will make your relationship work. Write down what exactly you want to change in yourself this time and how you will make that change. If you plan to not go back, write down in detail how you will cope with missing your boyfriend in future. Make a list of ways in which you will handle your emotions when they swell up.
Whatever you decide, do remember that you are stronger than the problem at hand and that you will get over this phase of life. In the long run, you will figure out what is best for you. Just make sure you make decisions that are conscious and rational and not too influenced by surface emotions – especially when it comes to relationships.
All the best!